Kurapika, do you shave?
by Countess Caramel
Summary: Kurapica, do you shave? we don't we play truth or dare? hisoka wants to play too? -a pure humor fic with no script or story, good for relaxing your nerves...I hope
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone ^_^

this is my first pure humor fic ,I'm usually all drama and tragedy so please forgive any part that you find boring

this is **_totally a_****_pure humor fic, it has no script, no story, nothing but crazy humor._****_XD_**

okay I won't bother you anymore, just read, laugh, enjoy, and review if you want more ;)

* * *

On a Sunny Spring day,Gon ,Killua, Kurapica, and Leorio decided to go out for a picnic.

while he was relaxing under a tree ,a colorful butterfly was attracted to the scent of Leorio's aftershave, and so decided to land on his cheek. Gon's eyes widened with joy when he spotted this beautiful rainbow-like little creature on his friend's face.

-"Leoriooooooooo" gon shouted " don't move, there's a butterfly on your cheek"he continued, running towards his elder friend

-"WHAT? WHERE ?!" Leorio freaked out a bit at the surprise at the same moment when Gon was about to catch the butterfly,and otherwise, landed on Leorio's cheek

-"why did you do this Leorio?" Gon asked disappointed "I wanted to catch it so badly" Gon frowned.

-"uh...uh...Sorry Gon, I was surprised"Leorio apologized

-"eh?!" Gon wondered

-"What's wrong?" Killua asked

-"why is Leorio's cheeks...not so soft ?" Gon asked holding Leorio's face in his hands with an innocent look on his face. Leorio blushed...just a little bit.

-"what do you mean Gon?" Killua asked for details.

Gon grasped Killua's hand and put it on his own cheek,keeping his other hand on Leorio's he grasped Killua's other hand and put it on Leorio's other cheek.

-"feel the difference?" Gon asked Killua

-"STOP MESSING AROUND WITH MY FACE, BOYS!" Leorio yelled

-"yeah, it is obviously different" Killua agreed

-"it's because men have beard hair, and they shave it off" Leorio explained looking away, with a slight blush

-"eh? so we will lose our soft skins when we grow up?" Gon wondered

-"oh my, this is so ridiculous, and funny as hell" Kurapica chuckled

-"oh wow the dude chuckles? since when?" Killua asked

-"speaking of the devil, Kurapica why don't you share your personal experience about shaving with the boys, since you think it's too funny, eh? " Leorio teased

-"Kurapicaaaa, do you shave?" Gon asked just as Leorio finished his sentence.

-"WHAT? ME? LOOK THERE IS A BUTTERFLY !" Kurapica freaked out

-"Idiot, you think you can fool us?" killua said

-"where? where? where's the butterfly? "Gon shouted

-"okay,maybe you **_can_** fool us..._**him**_ at least" Killua corrected

-"where's the butterfly ?" Gon asked disappointed

-"couldn't it be on Kurapica's cheek?" Leorio asked Gon

-"Woah! Really?" Gon's eyes glowed happiness

-"JUST TOUCH HIS FREAKING FACE LIKE YOU DID TO ME! IT'S NOT FAIR, IDIOT!" Leorio yelled

-"fine,but I need to catch the butterfly first! What if it ran away? where is it?"Gon worried

-"there's no freaking butterfly" Killua answered Gon

-"but we've just seen it on Leorio's cheek a minute ago!" Gon frowned again

kurapica's chuckles were so loud that the guys could hear them while they were fighting

-"What are you laughing at? you think we're clowns or something? "Leorio asked

-"you think we forgot about you?"Killua threatened...somehow XD

Gon sat next to Kurapica and touched his cheek.

-"woaaah, softie softy like ours!" Gon blinked

-"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? TAKE YOUR HAND OF ME!" Kurapica shouted

-"but Kurapica isn't so young like us, how come he has this neat soft skin?" Gon asked Leorio

-"why don't Kurapica explain that to you?" Leorio suggested

Gon looked at Kurapica for explanation, but Kurapica didn't spit a word

-"Kurapica,do you shave?" Gon asked Kurapica *encouraging* as he thought

kurapica's face blushed like a sweet strawberry with milk cream

-"eh? I wanna know too if you shave, Kura-chan !" someone said. Kurapica shivered at the tone of that voice...he knew it well...he also knew well that he was done...

-"HISOKA !" kurapica shouted surprised"what are you doing here?"

-"what? can't a gentleman join a group of gentlemen for a picnic?" Hisoka replied teasing

Kurapica stared at Hisoka

-"okay a group of gentlemen and**_ a lady_** " Hisoka corrected

-"WHAT? YOU SUN OF A BEACH!" kurapica yelled at hisoka

-"what did kurapica just say?" Gon asked Killua

-"nothing" Killua replied "don't get him wrong"

-"and why are you so mad? I never said that _**you**_were that lady!" hisoka said licking his lips

-"YOU BASTARD !" Kurapica yelled at hisoka again

-"what did kurapica just say?" Gon asked Killua _**again**_

_-_"fine, get him wrong this time" Killua sighed

-"seriously, what brought you here Hisoka?" Leorio asked

-"to steal some looks from your girlfriend" Hisoka said confidently

-"YOU LITTLE DEVIL! " kurapica said, summoning his chains

-"yare yare, calm down, why are you so angry? who said I was talking about you? **_unless_** you_** are**_ his Girlfriend! " Hisoka said

Kurapica grinned

-"kurapica, just answer me, do you shave?" Gon asked again

-"yeah Kurapica, just answer him do you shave?" Hisoka repeated

-"UGH! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU BOTH! I THINK I WILL KILL YOU!"kurapica threatened

-"you think you'll what? kiss us?" Hisoka teased

-"Good idea"Leorio agreed.

kurapica stared at Leorio angrily

-"not!" Leorio corrected. kurapica nodded

-"Hisoka, why do you like to bother Kurapica so much?" Gon asked

-"why...I don't know...let me think..." hisoka replied

-"Kurapica who?" Bisuke joined

-"Old hag, what brings you here?" Killua asked. bisuke punshed him

-"Bisuke-san do you think kurapica shaves ?" hisoka asked bisuke

staring at Hisoka with heart-shaped eyes, Bisuke couldn't answer

-"Since we're all here, why don't we play a truth or dare game?" Gon suggested

everyone looked at Gon approving his Idea, except for one certain blond.

-"by counting votes we find..." Gon's brain fried before he could continue counting

killua poured some water on his head

-"Gon, have some snickers" Killua suggested

-"why?" Gon asked

-"because you can't count while you're hungry" Killua answered

-"but I'm not hungry, and I cant count anyways" Gon replied

-"DON'T RUIN THE MOMENT IDIOT JUST EAT IT!" killua yelled

-"FINE !" Gon yelled back,then he ate the chocolate

-"better? " Killua asked Gon

-"not really" Gon answered

-"IDIOT ! DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN IT ?! NEEEE ?! " Killua lectured

-"are we playing truth or dare,or not?" Hisoka asked

-"yes we are" Leorio answered

-"I've got the bottle" Bisuke smiled

-"Let the game begin" Gon said

* * *

Kurapica sighed

* * *

so what do you think? review if you want more because I have a lot of fics starting, and I will only update the most reviewed ones.

thanks for reading ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

I wanted to thank everyone who read, reviewed, followed, and Favorited.

special thanks to :

GyunGyun , Obese-Gorilla , zozikoozy , MystiqueSilver , Yuki Candy Heart , rodessalorenzo , and sosi

(please forgive my bad memory if I forgot to mention anyone )

* * *

here's the second chapter...read & enjoy :D

review if you want more chapters of this fic :)

* * *

Everyone gathered and sat in a circle.

"ohh...circle...that turns me on " Hisoka said

"how in the world does sitting in a circle turn you on?"Killua asked

"what is turning on? are you some lightening bulb Hisoka?"Gon asked

"you better not know, kitty cat!" Hisoka answered licking his lips

"who mentioned kitkat ?" killua popped up

"are we going to play this stupid game or not?!"Leorio complained

"where's kit kat? where's my chocolate? " Killua said

"there's no chocolate for children who don't behave well" bisuke threatened

"what do you mean OLD HAG?!" killua yelled

"SHUT UP ALREADY !" the blond finally spoke up "YOU GAVE ME HEADACHE! "

"we may give you much more while playing" Hisoka teased "and I don't think I mean headache"

"just for correction"kurapica said "Bisuke is the only girl here, NOT ME GUYZ!"

"you have a point" killua commented.

Hisoka whistled.

" I think it's tome to play" bisuke suggested

"play...who said play?...this word turns me on " Hisoka said

"can you please stop getting turned on for once?" kurapica lectured "is there anything in the world that does**_ NOT_** turn you on, Hisoka?"

"if there were any, then it is definitely **_NOT_** your hair, Goldie" hisoka answered with a slight laugh

"I'll spin" Bisuke suggested with some mysterious smile and a weird look...what was she thinking of?

"what are you thinking of?" Leorio asked

"oooh...spinning turns me on" hisoka said

some red blood vessels popped of kurapica's forehead

bisuke span.

"oooh...spin spin spin" hisoka encouraged

"stop on Hisoka...stop on Hisoka...stop on Hisoka..." Bisuke begged in her head

"Bisuke-san, why are you begging the bottle to stop on Hisoka?" Gon wondered

"eh? was I saying that out loud?" Bisuke was a bit shocked

the bottle spun and spun and spun...and slowly started to stop

it slowed down...and slowed down and slowed down

it seemed like it's going to stop on Hisoka ...going to stop on Hisoka...

"it seems like it's going to stop on Hisoka ...going to stop on Hisoka..." Bisuke hoped

and on Hisoka it stopped

"YES !" Bisuke shouted

the bottle got bothered by the old hag's screaming and decided to punish her and spin a little bit to land on Gon

"NOOOOOOOO!" Bisuke shouted

"why what's wrong with me?" Gon asked innocently

"YOU ARE NOT-" Leorio muted Bisuke with his hand

"why did you do that? what was she saying?" Gon asked

"Nothing ^^a " Kurapica tried to sound natural

"I'm checking her teeth...I'm the doctor, you know?" Leorio said unsure

bisuke slapped leorio so he took his hand off

"do you choose truth or dare Gon?" Bisuke asked, when she was back to her mind

"TRUTH !" Gon shouted. that was expected

"ok...who's hand feels the nicest in your hand?" Bisuke asked

"huh?" Gon didn't get it

"who would you like to hold hands with the most?"Bisuke clarified

"Killua for sure !" Gon answered with enthusiasm

"eh ?" Killua blushed and turned away his face

"because nothing in the world feels better ^^ " Gon continued

Hisoka looked at Gon then looked at Kurapica...Kurapica was watching Hisoka too

"so I can't get turned on now blondie?" Hisoka asked

Kurapica gave him the stop-it-you-bit** look

"okay spin now Gon" Leorio said

Killua still had a slight blush

Hisoka put his hand on Killua's arm. killua shivered with sudden and fear, and no nothing else

"what's wrong with you, snow white? I was just trying to know how would Gon feel when he touches you?" Hisoka asked

"creeeeeeeepy old man OoO take your dirty hand back" Killua said

"wow how did you know I hadn't wash it after I ate the burger ?" Hisoka asked

"YOU DIDN'T WASH IT? "killua asked

"YOU ATE MY BURGER?" Leorio asked

"wow did I turn you on so easily?"Hisoka asked

"we're not turned on stupid! right Leorio?" Killua said

"eerrrrrr..." Leorio couldn't form a sentence

gon spun...and the bottle landed on hisoka

"NOOOOOOO T.T" Bisuke cried

"before you ask, I choose dare" Hisoka said confidently

"okay, I dare you to sing!" Gon said

"sure, anything for you" hisoka said

"ra ra raaa romma romma ma **_HI SO HISOKA_**want your bad romance..." hisoka went on

"Sugoi !" gon got excited "did the singer actually mention you in the song?"

"maybe..." hisoka answered

"now you spin hisoka" Gon said

"sure"

hisoka spun,and the bottle landed on kurapica

"NOOOOOOOOO T.T " bisuke cried...again

"before you choose, it's either that I'll ask about what's between you and Leorio, or that you should choose the dare" hisoka explained

"WHAT ? errrr...Leorio? ...I don't know what you're talking about but I was going to choose the dare anyway" Kurapica answered

"ya right" Killua said

Kurapica didn't pay him attention

"okay come here I can't say it on front of them..not now" Hisoka said

Kurapica shivered...fear and something else

Kurapica walked toward Hisoka,who whispered something in his ear

"WHAT? HERE? NOW?" Kurapica shouted

"yyyyes" Hisoka replied

Kurapica had the wtf-are-you-thinking look on his face while he walked away with a bag

"where is he?" Gon asked

"What did you do to him?" Leorio asked worried

"and may I know why do you care this much Leorio ?" Hisoka asked

Leorio ignored

* * *

ten minutes passed kurapica was back...wearing a light pink, short, mini dress.

Hisoka whistled

Leorio's eyes popped out

Killua and Gon exploded laughing

"wow you have really clean legs there"Bisuke noticed " do you shave them or something?"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? O/O" Kurapica yelled at her embarrassed

"don't shout, it turns me on" Hisoka said

"you wear it better than I can do" Bisuke said

"you wear it better than Killua could do" Gon said

"and why in the world would I wear it?" Killua asked

"because I will ask you to?" Gon asked

"okay...that's different" Killua said

Gon chuckled preparing his dare to killua

"but something's missing..." Hisoka commented

"what is it?" Gon asked

"you're too young to know ,unripe fruit" Hisoka answered

" UGH *sigh* ...so may I change back now?" Kurapica asked angrily

"to your tribe dress? this dress is modern and it suits you more" Hisoka said

"HISOOOKAAAAAAAA" Kurapica yelled

"which means no" Hisoka explained "until this game is over"

"FFFFFu-Fu-FFF-FFu-FFFFFFFF-FFFFFFFINE" Kurapica said

"now you kurapica, spin" bisuke encouraged

"yeah why don't you spin and turn around in that dress?" Hisoka asked

kurapica grinned at him

"GOD , why an I playing this stupid game?" kurapica complained

"s-s-s-sss-sstupid ?" Gon asked with his puppy face mode : on

"not ^_^ " kurapica smiled at Gon and spun the bottle

the bottle landed on Leorio...perfect

"truth or dare" Kurapica asked

leorio blushed not knowing what should he choose...what did the blond want him to choose?...if he could only know somehow

"truth" he finally decided. Kurapica smiled

"If I died would you keep those scarlet eyes with you all the time?" Kurapica asked

"I surely would" Leorio answered nodding " but I won't even let you die so that I can do it..._**I would die for you**_"

" *sniff sniff* I smell love in the air" Hisoka said

"*sniff sniff sniff* where? "Gon wondered

there existed that unbreakable gaze between the blond teen and the doctor...

well...it **_was_**unbreakable...until Killua decided to throw apples from the nearby tree on their heads

"Ouch Killua, watch where you throw" Kurapica said brushing his hand on his head

"I know...I hit the goal" Killua answered

Leorio grinned

kurapica decided to put this situation to an end and so he spun the bottle...and on gon it landed

"DAAAAAAAAAARE" Gon shouted before kurapica could say anything

"okay, let's see...I dare you to dance with Killua...maybe salsa ?" kurapica said

"Haaaaai~ " Gon answered

he stood up and took Killua's hands and started dancing joyfully...eventually Killua started enjoying it too

" E-chem E-chem ...excuse moi, I wouldn't like to ruin your moment but it's been twenty minutes already" Hisoka said

"twenty minutes and 13 seconds" Bisuke corrected

"whatever " Gon said while spinning the bottle

it landed on Killua

"ne Killua, can you choose dare?" Gon asked

"sure" Killua answered " I choose dare"

"can you wear a pink dress too like Kurapica's? with a crown on your head?" Gon asked

"YOU IDIOT!" Killua yelled like he didn't want to do it " but where to find any"

"here " hisoka said handing them what they wanted

10 minutes later, Killua came back dressed like a princess, blushing and embarrassed

Illumi suddenly appeared from the sky

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I will tell mother" Illumi exploded laughing " I think she'll be proud

TBC

(the next one will be better...I promise)

review if you want more, and tell me what you want to read and your ideas, maybe I will choose your ideas to be combined with mine for the next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

I would love to thank everyone who read, reviewed, followed, or faved... :) you are awesome

special thanks to :

Obese-Gorilla , Kujyou Riska chiie haloho ,Shi-Otaku 324 ,GyunGyun , Misty April ,

Florallover, otaku4lifeee, dindinzledarc, thank you for your time ^_^

* * *

"ILLUMI !" killua freaked out "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?"

"well...I'M A WIZARD HAHAHAHA" he replied

"**_itch,_** please, you are a mere idiot who wears an Indian wig" killua replied

"an Indian wig? " Illumi wondered

"well, you have some silky shiny black hair like Indian women" Bisuke said

"ohhh...now isn't that something to turn a man on? " Hisoka started singing sentences for some reason.

"umm...**_no"_**Leorio replied

"you'd better not answer Hisoka's question that way...I bet you've never been turned on before...I even doubt that you are a man...you are more of...an alien" Illumi answered

"I've been turned on many times" Leorio frowned "and why are you so bothered? I answered Hisoka's question, not yours! "

"don't mess with **_MY_** Illumi" Hisoka answered "and dare to name one time when you were turned on"

"**_your_** Illumi ?" Killua asked "I think **_I'm_**the one who will tell his mother"

"I think we should tell Kurapica's mother...if only we could" bisuke stated

everyone was arguing except for kurapica...he was near a rose tree observing his natural beauty on a mirror that was in his hand, and then taking pictures of himself with his mobile's camera.

"girls truly are stupid...don't they say that blonds' are stupid too? that makes someone extra stupid" Illumi said

Illumi suddenly got an extra strong hit on the head.

"that will teach you a lesson" Bisuke said "don't you ever make fun of blonde girls"

Illumi was confused

"I'm a blond girl YOU KNOW!" bisuke clarified

"oh~ I almost forgot" Illumi said

Leorio walked towards Kurapica, stood next to him, and then cleared his throat.

"WHAT? WHO? WHERE? I SWEAR I WASN'T DOING THAT!" Kurapica said surprised.

Leorio chuckled

"where did you find that mirror?" Leorio asked

"WHAT MIRROR? THERE'S NOTHING IN MY HAND BEHIND MY BACK!" kurapica said

"is that my mirror in your hand? HOW THE HELL DID YOU TAKE MY MIRROR OF MY HAND BACK WITHOUT INFORMING ME?" Illumi yelled at kurapica

"why the hell do you have a mirror **_and_** a hand bag? " Killua asked "looks like I will start black-mailing someone!"

"well...the someone will black-mail you back! " Illumi answered

"you have nothing to blackmail me with" Killua replied confidently

"beside your Gon, I know about your secret" Illumi threatened

Killua gasped and turned paler than ever.

"Killua...are you alright? do you need a jacket?" Gon offered

"and I'm going to tell everyone here about your secret"

"killua has a secret that he never told me?" Gon gasped

"YES" Illumi said "he owns a collection of sailor moon characters' figures made of chocolate"

"now THAT"S my secret ? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA " Killua exploded laughing "I thought you meant the photo I took for Gon in his boxer while he was asleep that I keep beside my bed...*phew* what a relief"

"..." Kurapica said

"..." Leorio said

"... #^%% %#$& ... %$^$% !" Illumi said

"what ?" Gon asked

"real men turn each others on don't they" Hisoka said laughing

"-_- you laugh like a hyena " Kurapica said

"and you laugh like the main dancer of coco's strip club" Hisoka said emotionlessly

"who's that main dancer there ?" Leorio asked

"who's coco? " Illumi asked

"what's a strip club ?" Gon asked

"is she beautiful like me?" Kurapica asked

"now he's playing his role too right...which is wrong..." Killua said "are you sure you are Kurapica?"

"who can I be? Illumi who changed his shape to look like kurapica with his weirdo needles ?" Kurapica asked

"maybe" Bisuke said

kurapica started changing back into Illumi's shape

"woaaaaah, Killua, you were so true" Gon said

"how did you know?" Illumi asked

"but if this was Illumi, then who's the other Illumi?" Hisoka wondered

"he's my brother, lost since 1962" Illumi said

"but were we even born by 1962?" the other Illumi wondered

"I wasn't " one of the Illumies said

"but I was" the other one said

"how old are you mou hitori no Illumi ?" Killua asked

"do you know mou hitori no yuggi as well ?" Gon asked

"well...older than your Maha Zolydeck! " Illumi said

"wow!"

"analyzing your Illumi-like features, the tone of your voice, the unoriginal cotton threads in your clothes, and YOUR SMELL WHICH IS FRICKING WEIRD LIKE OLD PEOPLE" Leorio paused "I'd say you're Netero San"

"WHAT ?" Hisoka was shocked (wtf can you believe **_he_** was shocked ?)

"I thought he was my twin *sniff sniff* " Illumi cried

"no way!" Killua said

"naniiiiii ?" Gon said

"Ho ho ho" the other Illumi laughed as his shape started changing back into Netero-san

"no wonder you're older than Maha Zoldyeck" the original Illumi said

"why did you come here? " Killua asked

"rumors said you own own a photo of Gon almost naked" Netero explained "I just wanted to find out the truth"

Gon blushed that the troublemaker colourful butterfly thought he was a red rose and landed on his face

he hurried to catch it but unfortunately it flew away swiftly

"why are you guys so nosy ?" Killua asked "I bet everyone of you owns a similar thing"

"*cough*Hisoka*cough*" Illumi coughed

" *cough*Kurapica and 3-4 other girls' photos*cough" Leorio coughed

"wow that was the longest cough I've ever heard" Killua said

" *cough*more than few hundreds of pictures and some magazines*cough " Bisuke said

"she breaks the world record" Hisoka ensured

" *cough*KILLUA I'M GOING TO TELL YOUR MOMMY*cough* " Illumi coughed

"can you please stop coughing ? it turns Hisoka on" Leorio said

"Impressive " Hisoka said "now we're talking...someone finally gets my sens of getting turned on!"

"go tell our mother Illumi, and I'll tell her about your Hisoka's hot photos collection...the folder is in your documents" Killua said

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT IT YOU ASH-WHOLE ?" Illumi freaked out

"do you really have such a thing XD XD ? I didn't know about it I was just kidding, it would be easy for Milluki to hack it though" Killua said

"what does 'ash-whole' mean ?" Gon wondered

"you better not know what he wanted to stay...I want you to stay unripe as you are for now" Hisoka said

"by the way, how could you be so smart to find out that mou hitori no Illumi was Netero ?" Gon wondered

"it should have been Kurapica the one to discover, right?" Killua stated

"are you kurapica cosplaying Leorio or something ?" Hisoka asked

"I want to cosplay detective conan " Illumi said

"why would you do, my baby you ?" HIsoka asked

"I'm here for your entertainment " Illumi sang

"okay stop it. this is getting ridiculous " Bisuke said

"speaking of kurapica...where is he?" Netero finally noticed

"what should K.I.D.N.A.P.P.E.D mean?" Netero asked

" Kind In Distance Not As People Predict Elegantly Directly ?" Illumi expected

"huh?" Gon's mind fried

"wtf?" Bisuke's head hurt

"ftw ?" Leorio got dizzy

"are you drunk?" Hisoka asked

killua sighed and took a piece of paper that was in Netero's hand and read loudly :

"I KIDNAPPED KURAPICA ...follow the map below to save him...with love : Kuroro"

"kurapica is kidnapped?" Leorio was shocked

"with love ?" Hisoka wondered

"Kuroro ?" Bisuke wondered

"but why would he go through all of this and then leave a map ?"

"so it was either Illumi or Netero who wore the dress and not kurapica after all?" Leorio asked disappointed

"it was a cute dress wasn't it?" Illumi and Netero said together

"so aren't we going to save him?" Gon asked

"yes let's team up" Bisuke suggested

"ooh...teaming up-"Hisoka was cut off by Leorio

"turns hisoka on" Leorio continued

"we should totally ship us together some time" Hisoka said

"no way you're a creep" Leorio answered

"I will be the supper better-than-a-dog hero of our team! what will your name be Killua?"

"do I ha-"

"Yes you have to" Gon interrupted "in fact you'll be choco-white yummy"

"choco-white yummy ?" Killua repeated

"yes, and LIKE IT or else" Gon said

"whatever~" Killua said

"I will be the handsome-hawty" Leorio said

"no that's hisoka -_-" Gon said

hisoka chuckled

"you will be the fool of the wool" Gon said

"why would I be that? " Leorio asked

"because the princess will fall in love with the fool" Gon explained

"deal" Leorio was so stupid and believed

"and you'll be the blind crospe " Gon suggested to Illumi "because if one doesn't know you and see your eyes they'll think you are blind who is also dead

"but that's too lame! " Illumi complained

"I will be the young beauty" Netero said

everyone passed out at the same moment they heard that

TBC

* * *

so would you like some more? (next time I will be done of "something" and be totally free to make this fic MUCH funnier XD ;) ) I can say it will mostly get better

if you would like more chapters, please write what you think, your suggestions, your opinions, what you like, and what you don't in a review in that box down there...everything you say is more than appreciated.

your reviews put me in the write-more-humor mood ;)

and hey guys you like humor right? go check "say yes to the tuxedo" it's a hilarious hunterxhunter fic XD XD and don't forget to review its author

thanks for reading :D


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry guys for not updating for a while T.T ,but really life does not go the way we want.

like usual I want to thank the lovely people who read, reviewed, followed, or favourited ^_^ thank you guys so muc *serves cookies for you*

Special thanks (and special choco cookies with some juice) to : "a" (you have a weird awesome name here XD) , "Misty April", "Obese-Gorilla", "Kujyou Riska chiie haloho", "GyunGynu", "Kuruta-Kei", "Nispedana" (extra cookies and thankies for your crits ^^ ) , "Latias876", " .14", and "Lucinda".

I hope I didn't forget anyone of those who took extra time to tel me their opinions ^^" please forgive me if I did

okay...here ends the drama of our lives and starts the Humor.

* * *

"so what we should do now is to analyze the map" Leorio said

"first I will take a good look at it to see where it is situated in our mama earth"

"mama Earth ?" Bisuke said bored "that is lame even for a hag, anyway just take that look"

Leorio looked deeply at the map

"secondly I will take a good look at it with **_Gyo,_**something may be discovered" Bisuke said

"than I will take a good smell at the map" Gon said "that may reveal where it came from, or who carried it, or something else"

"like who farted on it?" Leorio asked. Gon frowned but Illumi and Hisoka laughed quietly.

"so are we using our super senses here? Leorio looked, bisuke looked with Gyo, Gon smelled it, hmmm then I guess" Hisoka said "I guess I will take a taste of it"

Hisoka started licking the map making a show out of it

"you could earn well on ice cream commercials ...you know how to **_Advertise"_**_ Bisuke said_ "I think I'm getting turned on"

"get her tissues, she's **_nosebleeding_** " Leorio pointed

"my pleasure, Bisuke my dear" Hisoka said

"my turn to use my senses...what should I do?" Illumi wondered

"you mean something else than appearing suddenly in my mind with dark background and soulless eyes and repeating that I can't have friends?" Killua wondered "are you actually able to do anything else?"

"ummm...maybe not...but I think I still can **_Touch_** the map" Illumi answered

Illumi started touching the map ever so gently like it was the face of **_Hisoka._**

"and how is this supposed to help us?" Bisuke asked

"you know **_he_** makes **_map_** feel...like she's the **_only girl in the world_**" Hisoka sang

"and who need girls when they could have you?" Illumi asked

"are you guys flirting?" Killua wondered

"what sens haven't we used yet? " Leorio wondered

"listening" Gon said

"oh no we used it already, haven't we listened to Hisoka's "only girl in the world" already?" Illumi said "and it was beautiful by the way"

"I'm beautiful in my way, cuz god makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby I was born this way" Hisoka sang again

"which way ?" Leorio wondered

"the easy way or the hard way?" Bisuke wondered

"he was born HOT " Illumi stated

"shouldn't we go save Kurapica? he was kidnapped remember?" Killua reminded them

"where's Netero-san? " Gon wonderd

"snoozing there under the sun" Leorio said

"you are USELESS!" Killua said "Let's just follow the frickin map"

everyone agreed

killua held the map in his hand and leaded the group

"so according to the map, we should follow this straight way"

"straight or ... " Hisoka asked laughing

"I think 'or...' is better" Illumi answered

"dirty-minded people, ugh!". Killua sighed.

they started walking and walking and walking that walking seemed endless.

* * *

after few hours of walking they finally reached a pointed that was marked on the map with a green point.

looking around them they spotted a sign. written on that sign was "Enter the house of the dragon. and stay '**_SH_**' "

"what should "**_SH"_**mean?" Leorio wondered

"**_Smiling Hopefully_**? " Gon asked

" **_Smoking Hot_**? " Hisoka said

" **_Silently Hooking up_**_ ?_ " Bisuke said

"**_Spoiling HxH episodes_** ?" Illumi said

"no NOT THAT! " everyone looked at Illumi like he had done something very bad.

"I think they just wanted to '**_SH_**u**_sh_**' us...to make us stay silent" Killua explained

"no way...mine is more reasonable" Bisuke said

"so nobody noticed the word 'dragon' and all of you noticed 'sh' ? let's just enter the fricking cave !" Killua ran out of patience.

as they started approaching the cave, they started hearing loud scary thin cries...

"I think my ears are bleeding" Bisuke said

"so it's always either your nose or ears ?" Leorio said

"this is kinda scary...I didn't know dragons existed" Gon said

"excitement! ...oh no... turns me on" Hisoka said

"Killua why don't you go and take a look?" Illumi asked

"no way...I'm not that crazy" Killua said

"let's go in at the same time" Gon suggested and everyone agreed

they held each others' hands and started walking in.

"your hand feels like aww Gon...I don't think I can take this" Hisoka said from Gon's left side

Killua was blushing on Gon's right side, while holding his other hand

the shadow of the monster showed in front of them

"is Kurapica really worth all of this?" Illumi asked "we can just go buy a normal encyclopedia you know"

loud steps echoed in the cave...and of sudden it appeared in front of them...Neon Nostrade did.

"what ?! you ?" Leorio wondered "aren't you the one Kurapica works for?"

"such a waste of energy...not worth getting excited" Hisoka said

"too lame" Illumi said

"not hot enough" Leorio said

"guys you are not here to marry her okay ?" Killua said

"can you please stop crying and tell us how did you get here ?" Gon asked

"there's that guy who I went out on date with one day, Kuroro Lucifer if I remember...he said we would play a game and took me here, then he just left me and...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" Neon started crying again

"so there was no dragon after all?" Illumi said disappointed

"oooh~ perverted danchou wanted to play a game" Hisoka said

"it turns me on" Gon said

"WHAT ?!" Killua shouted

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Leorio said

"do you actually know what turning on is?" Bisuke said

"not really...but it sounded cool...so all of you guys can say it, and only I cant ?" Gon asked

everyone looked at each other

"you know Gon that feeling when you-" Illumi was interrupted

"I have sworn to protect him form everything including you on my Ace of Spades! " Hisoka warned

"can you just get me outta here ?" Neon asked

Gon took her hand and they started walking out of the cave and everyone followed

"what's next on the map?" Leorio asked

"I don't know it doesn't tell where should we go after we enter the cave, however there's a completely different road that does not start anywhere nearby that is also marked" Killua said

"okay let's go there"bisuke said

* * *

in two hours they reached the marked road.

the road ended with six sideways, so everyone decided to split up and to follow one of the sideways.

Gon's way was going up, so it was harder to run there. he was putting some effort in it more than normal running. the weather was hot and Gon was sweating, and his mind was fried.

even few zombies followed him to eat his tasty brain

"greetings, Gon" Kurapica said passing by

"hello! " Gon said with no attention still trying to do his best, running as fast as he could that he couldn't remember-with his fried brain- who was he searching for...

Gon continued running for few good hours

TBC

* * *

this wasn't probably as good as I wanted it to be...but I just thought it was better than not updating for even a longer while...

please let me know what you think by writing your opinion and suggestions in that box down there :D

for people who are new to this site: you can do this even if you don't have an account!

thank you so much for reading ^^ everything you write in your review is treated the royal way and more than appreciated ;)

by the way, Hisoka says your reviews turn him on XD XD XD


	5. Chapter 5

Hello :)

Sorry for the long time no see, I have my excuse, but I won't waste time writing it XD and you won't waste your time reading it

thanks for putting up with me :)

and now let's move to the wall of fame where you see the names of all the cute lovely people who I send special thanks to :

GyunGyun, Florallover, Obese-Gorilla, Dragonvnc, animefangal, Kuruta-kei, sparcklecake, Nispedana, .14, Zozikoozy, a (guest), Kanakoyuki, SpadePirates4Eva, Miruku2009

you are the best guys 3

I hope I didn't forget anyone

also, thanks to everyone who read,reviewed, followed, or faved.

*reader throws a rock at me*

okay,I will stop talking. chapter 5 is all yours

* * *

quick reminder: following the map that was sent by Kuroro to save Kurapica, the hunters reach six sideways and separate. Gon meets Kurapica on his way but he never notices.

* * *

Gon kept on walking. suddenly he heard someone calling his name in a scary way. the sun immediately disappeared, and strong winds almost took Gon off the ground. evil aura surrounded the place and Gon was sure something was about to happen. the air felt heavy behind him. someone was approaching, but for a certain reason he couldn't move his body. a hand was silently lied on his shoulder, and he knew he couldn't escape

couldn't escape

couldn't escape

couldn't escape

couldn't escape

couldn't escape

couldn't escape

couldn't escape

(hey that's not me, that's the echo, guys )

couldn't escape

FROM MITO SAN !

"Mito-san I am extremely sorry, I didn't drink your last bottle of champagne, go on a date with your sister, or search through your underwear!" Gon begged loudly

"WHAT ?" mito said "BUT ANYWAY YOU DID WORSE"

Gon hesitated, and backed to the wall

"YOU DIDN'T FIND GING AND..."

"But Mito-san I am still searching for him, and also searching for Kurapica, but why are you in a hurry, are you guys in a long-distance relationship? Why are you so concerned about him ?"

"that night w ...eh what? never mind, but let me continue my previous sentence" Mito said

"okay"

"YOU DIDN'T FIND GING AND YOU DIDN'T CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES! YOU'RE JACKET IS DIRTY! I WANNA DO LAUNDRY GON! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I LOVE DOING LAUNDRY! I HAVE TO BE DOING LAUNDRY AND HANGING WHITE SHEETS ON THE CLOTHES LINE WHENEVER ANYONE SEES MEEEEEE"

"ugh, Mito san, are you okay?" Gon asked. Mito didn't answer.

"you are just turned on aren't you?" Gon asked

"WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"aren't you?"

"no the other thing" Mito clarified

"turned on?"

"YES, NO! D'X " Mito cried , "where did you hear that T.T ?"

"My friend, Hisoka keeps saying it" Gon said

"really '0' ?" Mito's jaw fell open

"yes, sometimes, his friend Illumi who is Killua's brother gets him turned on"

"WHAT?" Mito's eyes popped out

"and also holding my hand turns him on" Gon continued

"AAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Mito's jaw reached the ground

"NO MORE GOING OUT FOR YOU GON!"

"but why, Mito san?" Gon's puppy eyes mode was on

"ugh...ummm...errrr...never mind, just don't talk to hisoka again" Mito said

"un !" Gon agreed

Gon continued walking (forgetting what was the purpose of the walking)

* * *

as Killua proceeded, he could feel earth tremors, or perhaps huge footsteps approaching. he sprinted fast to avoid the possible danger. But as he **_smelled_**it, his body froze

he knew that smell very well...

A huge monster appeared in front of Killua, and scary music started playing in the background (hint hint, are you watching Attack on Titan? know that music when the colossal titan come?)

Killua smiled.

then it turned into a laugh

then it turned into a ROFL

then it turned into a hyena laugh

then it turned into a huge open mouth ready to eat

it was already too late for the monster when it realized it was made of chocolate and already being eaten by the**_ actual monster...the chocolate monster..._**aka Killua.

Killua could easily kill his opponent

in fact he could easily eat his opponent. But as he was eating, killua started feeling cold. He couldn't move his limbs. Everything started going dark

"ne, Illumi, it's just you popping out in my head again aren't you?" Killua asked

"wow, you got used to it. Impressive." Illumi responded

"but what do you want now? You see, I am not with Gon, nor fighting a stronger opponent, so do you have something else to say beside that I am not qualified to make friends, and that I shouldn't fight stronger people? "

"umm…well…you ate a chocolate monster…you ate few tons of chocolate! Hello! This is bad for your health!"

"and why are you so concerned out of sudden?"

"I am your elder brother, and I shal protect you" Illumi answered

"is salad healthy?" Killua asked

"yes"

"then have you heard that chocolate is made of cocoa which comes from cocoa tree?! So cocoa is a plant, and therefor, chocolate is salad

Are you convinced, Illumi?"

"ummm…okay…but who shoved that much information into your head? You should stop hanging out with that blond…he is too smart for your health"

Killua ignored the words as the image of his brother disappeared and his head cleared out.

But after eating tons of chocolate, even Killua would feel like taking a nap! And so he forgot what was he doing and lied on the grass sleeping like a cat! :3

* * *

" So are you done popping up in your brother's head" Hisoka asked

"yes" Illumi answered immediately"

"then we should kiss goodbye, split up, and go search for the lost blond" Hisoka suggested

"or maybe we can go play a round of poker? Right?" Illumi wondered

"damn you Illumi for coming up with such hot ideas! do you know how to play blackjack too?"

"of course" Illumi answered proudly

And they sat down and started playing

"Damn, I got 21 points, this is sooooo turning me on ! " Hisoka said

"so fast?! Great! We shall celebrate!"

k"maybe if you applause, applause, applause, I live for the applause-plause, live for the applause-plause, live for the way that you cheer and scream for me, The applause, applause, applause" hisoka sang

you're overdoing it" Illumi said with a poker face"

"?and hey, don't you think the character on this card looks a little bit like Gon"

"Hisoka, you are still overdoing it"

Hisoka continued playing with his cards with a smile

...Far away from there, Bisuke was walking swiftly, aiming to save the friend of her students

The difference between her and the others who went slacking off was that she was determined…she had a goal in her mind, and she was committed to that goal

Who are we trying to fool here … -_- she never was that

Or maybe she**_ was_**…until she saw that spa on her way. Skincare, nail care, hair care, and not forget, handsome males who work there…who was kurapika to her

Bisuke didn't abandon the mission, but she 'paused' it for some very important reasons

* * *

At a different place, a certain blond who was never actually kidnapped by anyone got a letter. As he read it he realized it was an invitation

Weird. Why would Kuroro invite him to a barbeque party? Maybe he knew that Kurapica was hungry? Who cares. Because(to the author,aka me ^^ ) the most important sentence in the world is : FOOD RULE

?If there was food, so why not go

...Now it was only Leorio who was searching for Kurapica

?Leorio, Kurapica, and Kuroro…what could happen

* * *

TBC

I would love if you leave a review to me in that box down there ^^

thank you for reading

by the way, this fic hates me. whenever I try to update something wrong happens so that I don't have time to write anymore...but it doesn't matter...I will update whether the fic likes it or not

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA XD

thank you again


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